Silence

Sat here with tears streaming down my face right now.
Been sat in all day at home, had my driving lesson first thing, then tried to do some college work but im just so tired all the time, so ended up falling asleep for a few hours, and now iv been doing college work for ages and guess what comp crashes and its all gone, slightly numb now past caring. ill just do it all over again.
So now my mum's just came in and purposely picked an argument, which means she's gone into my bedroom and picked up all my bags and stuff and thrown them everywhere and then told me to clear it up because im a scrubber, that i dont care about, fair doos w.e i was gonna clean it up after i finished this Tim Burton bio, you know do the whole bit, hoover and dust even. But now shes picked an argument and thrown a tantrum i couldnt care less anymore, now i just dont even wana go near it. Well played mother.
That though im not bothered about, the bit i am bothered about refers to my older post, you know the one starting with I HATE MY PARENTS. Well she did allll that and then started yelling at me telling me how little i do, how little my dad does, how were both always 'up in the air' and then started saying how my sister is never here (wonder why, would it have anything to do with this oppressive small minded family of mine? ohhh perhaps) and then saying how if i 'dare start going on about how no-ones cares about me' or w.e then i can 'get ready'. Yes i believe that was a threat, surprise. She keeps saying if i want to live like 'this', w.e 'this' might even be then i can find somewhere else, yeah love to see how that would work out, when she practically cries about the fact that my brother and sister are hardly here anymore yet she's telling me to go somewhere else kind of makes me think i should. I mean when i go to uni she can fuck if she thinks im staying at home or coming back after the first year, im never coming back as soon as ive gone.
So she's been saying all this (which reminds me, ive never been immature enough to ever say no-one cares about me, i have said no-one listens to me, as i have previously pointed out in a previous post, which completely proves the point during my mum's 'conversation' with me today, and then she's just stormed downstairs and gone out somewhere in her car.
But that wasnt before dumping on me the fact that she wants to leave, she dosent want to live here anymore, because of my dad and me. You know what, for dumping that shit all on me, who she dosnt even know anymore, i couldn't care less, a divorce would do my mum and dad good. My mum cant put my dad down anymore and can start feeling like a man again, going out with his friends and socialising, one thing my mum wont do, and my dad can stop making my mum miserable by his inconsideration for anyone else but himself, by lying to my mum saying he's going to Bently pub when my sister sees him round town, and snoring incredibly loudly every single night, even i can hear it through two rooms, no exaggeration there btw.
My sister has halfway moved out on the sly, which im kind of glad about because id be happy if i did the same, yet im the one left to get all the backlash and watch my mum and dad drift apart as i have done since around the age of 14, when my dad thought it would be appropriate to ask me, what i would do if they split up, because he dosnt think that they love each other anymore, oh yeah and that was on ohhh the second or third night of our family holiday, about 5 minutes before my mum and sister came to join us at out table.
Its been like that for years, in fact i think that was the last conversation me and my dad have actually had, since then its just been orders and shouting at how i have to tidy my bedroom, and how he constantly 'forgets' my dinner money every single week.
well at least my tears have dried now, im just really angry instead and i just wana get out, im just going to stay here doing more college work till someone comes home, even though at this very moment in time i dont wana stay here, i just wana get out and stay somewhere else for a while, but i have absolutely no-where i can go, at least my mum has here sisters or her mums and my dad has his mates or my grandma's or his sisters. Me not so much.

Hammond song

so hiya
bit better since my last post
that rant still makes me laugh when i read it back
:D
well went out on Sunday, managed to stay up till like 5. I think. And for someone on nothing but disgusting alcopops and red bull who had been up since 9am i think that i did pretty well. Although i have no clue why i was the only one throwing up. Embarrassing, i knew red bull didn't agree with me but that was ridiculous!
and why is it that threes ALWAYS carrots in your sick, which of course makes you sick even more. hhaa i have to laugh Just thinking about it. it was funny like.
Pretty sure ive ate the amount of food i threw up today like, been craving sugar, its THAT time, ugh talk about fat day. PAH
Well college tomorrow, cant be bothered to do any college work at all, even though its not hard and will only take 2 minutes, but this STABBING pain in my stomach is slightly putting me off. Wonder why?!
Im going to google hair ideas,i dont know what to do with mine:
Keep the fringe
grow it back out
grow my hair
cut it shorter, if so how short
blah di da blah
Music video Saturday, god help me and my organisation skills, need to remember to NOT BE BOSSY lol easaaaaaaay :D just need to learn how to use the camera first ! ha im doing a media course and ive not even touched a camera yet! although it's because of that FAT BITCH who went control freak as soon as all the writing was done. TARD . I mean who mispells Bitch in big block letters, and dosent even notice haaaaaaaaasilllllllly BITH . HAHAHAHAAAHAAAA BYE DARLINGS !
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